Full Heart

7 years ago...

It was May, it was 2002. It was the worst month I've ever known. Eli was just a baby starting out his life when yours slipped away. But we keep you in our hearts.

At first I didn't want to talk about you because it really hurt. Now I know that it's better to think of you and cry a little and then feel happy and grateful I was your daughter. I'll be your daughter forever. We all cherish our memories of you. We talk about them and laugh.

Thank you for giving me part of you. Thanks for teaching me and loving me.

Gosh I miss you.

Until we meet again- my father and friend.

me and dad 1979

1995- Unwittingly Exceptional

This is me the moment I found out I got into BYU. Which was actually 1993. I was at a youth overnight activity and when I got dropped off, my mom had this sign on the garage for me. A brilliant young men's leader had the notion to take a picture, and I'm so glad! This is my look of pure joy I had as I whirled back around. For a long time this was the best moment of my life. I'd wanted to go there since I was a little kid. In retrospect, I know it would have been fine if I went somewhere else first but I can tell you that at that time, when I had so little perspective on life, it would have devestated me.
Well I loved the dorms and BYU as much as I knew I would, but I had ups and downs of course, and by the time I hit 2nd semester of my sophmore year, I wasn't quite as enthusiastic. My roommate and great friend Janette REALLY wanted to get out of the apt. scene and move to a house. Having had kind of a sour "boy" experience first semester, I was ready for a change too. Luckily we got our contracts sold and Janette found this house:

Not only was this house a totally old and tiny but unbelieveably was broken up into 4 sections. We were in the attic section called the "Annex C". The roof was 1-2 feet above our heads and I carried the feeling of clausterphobia that whole semester. It had a tiny washer and dryer in a room under the house that resembled the pit of despair. I was skeptical. And I was still missing my missionary who had only been gone 6 months. Well everything has a silver lining right? Even houses and seemingly depressing semesters.

The house's best perk was that you could open the kitchen window and climb out onto the roof. We slept up there a couple times, layed out when the sun came out in the Spring, and sometimes ate dinner up there. (on a side note, Janette was reminding me the other day on the phone how I used to make a packet of "Stove Top" for dinner and eat the whole thing. Is that gross or what?!)

Well as life often goes, this was possibly the greatest semester of my college years. In fact 1995 turned out to be exceptional. I had no idea what was in store for me. Life can be really awesome that way.

It was not the house that made the semester great (not by a long shot), but the roomies. Janette, of course, is one awesome girl and I loved sharing my room with her, but all these girls were great in different ways and we just fit well together. We liked to pretend to be more awesome than we were. We used to go dancing at "The Edge".

We invited guys in the ward over for "Seinfeld Parties" a couple times. One time after the party was over, we wanted to make a fire in the fireplace (another house perk). Except for the fact that we had no wood. However, we did have an broken chair. Being up in the attic, we threw it out the window a few times until we had chair pieces we could burn.

Lesson learned: Lacquered chair pieces + fire= LOTS of smoke.

Lesson for landlord: Take care of your home (ie- don't leave old broken chairs laying around) because your tenants will take even less care of it. Especially if they are 20 yr old tenants.

One Friday night as we (Janette, Brandon- a Seinfeld party attendee and Janette's future husband, Diana- Janette's sister, and I) were driving to Salt Lake to go dancing, one of us said "What if we just kept driving and drove all the way to San Fransico?" That's all it took. We all said "Let's go for it!!!" We drove through the night taking turns sleeping and driving. All we had was our DL's and debit cards. Janette's from there so we had a place to stay. It was so awesome. Such a feeling of freedom! Here we are in front of the Oakland Temple.

The semester ended and I said goodbye to the "Annex C" forever. In July I was home and went to YSA beach party at Corona Del Mar.

And met this guy! This picture makes me smile whenever I look at it, because I so vividly remember contemplating whether I should ask to take it or not. I was going to BYU-H for a semester and even though I liked him, and we had spent almost every day together for about a month, I wasn't sure if I'd ever see him again. You just never know and I didn't want to forget him. So, feeling super lame-o, I asked. Being the sweet guy he is, he said "sure" and didn't think the worse of me.
I had to add this one because I have SOOOO many pictures in overalls. This began in 94 and went up through when Emma was born in 2000. Then she has pictures in overalls until she was about 3. My dad could never get into the trend and always made comments to me about looking like a farmer, etc. He grew up watching his dad wear them to go roofing and working. Now I can finally agree. This is me and 2 of my sisters- Miranda and Sally summer of 95.

Next I was off to my extended VAY-CAY also known as BYU-Hawaii. I took 3 religion classes I could transfer back to BYU because I had heard they were so easy there- as opposed to the Y. It was true. That was awesome. I went there with my best friend Hiedi but we ended up not getting to room together. This is my sweet Japanese roommate Candace.

I made some fun new friends also. We took the bus every Saturday to somewhere new. A different beach, Matsumoto's shaved ice, the mall, the swap meet...we hitchhiked one time in Honolulu. The guy that picked us up said he did so, so that no crazy person would. I'm not sure what we were thinking.

I had a Hawaiian culture class and we went to the big island. It was amazingly beautiful. I got to pick taro, visit a volcano, jump into a waterhole in the middle of nowhere, walk on a black sand beach, and go to a Macadamia Nut factory.

The whole time I was in Hawaii I couldn't stop staring at the water- quite the contrast having grown up going to the beach in SoCal.

Janettte surprised me and showed up at my door with her brother one day. He was there for work and drove us all around the island. One of the best days ever.

Hula class performance with Hiedi. They stuck us "Howlies" in the back (don't blame them at all) but it was still so much fun.

I was ready to come home after the semester. As great as the experience was, I had some island fever. When I went to the Young Adult ward again I saw Dana there and our relationship changed forever. I was shocked at how happy I was to see him. I felt like I really knew him. I saw what a good man he was. He told me he didn't want me to go back to BYU. Luckily for me, he came up to Utah after I did. And the rest is history! This is our first picture together- December 1995.

Thanks for going down memory lane with me. This is what happens when I scan in old pictures :) I can't believe this was 14 years ago!

Look What We Got...

Thrilling isn't it? I think this is #4. The excitement comes in when I try and decide if I'll get blue or green each year.

Okay so I'm a little bit bitter that I have to keep buying these every year. I would just like to remind all my friends with "real" pools- we will love you forever more if you invite us over to swim this summer :)

This is Emma's face of "I'm grumpy so stop trying to make me laugh and take my picture."
Eli made this as the pool was filling up. #5 got broken alot. So did #1 (and #2 for that matter).

Eli sat out some.

I didn't know it was possible to get cold in 105 deg weather but...

She takes after her mom and does not like to be cold.

I love her tiny footprints.

She sat out some too.

I'll be watching her carefully this summer.

I'm dreaming of the beach. Only 1 more month :)

Thank YOU, Super-Thank-You-Girl!

Dana recently DVR'ed "Sky High" which I had never heard of before, but the kids are all over that movie. They love it! Basically a bunch of teenage kids have a variety of super powers and they go to a high school in the sky called- you guessed it..."Sky High". Anyway, I finally saw the whole thing and the end gets a little crazy but it's got a lot of witty and comical parts in it. My favorite part was the when the coach has the kids exhibit their powers and then deems them the "hero" or the "sidekick". So if you haven't already, you'll have to see it so you know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, our kids, as they LOVE to do, acted out their version of the movie after seeing it the 2nd time. Eli ran straight to his room to put on his Superman costume. Serious business. They had a great time playing. I will miss their made up games some day. Sorry I didn't take photos as I was making dinner at the time.

The next day Holly asked me what power I would want. I said flying of course- obvious in my mind. Then I had a thought.

"You have a power Holly!"

"What!?"

"You are AWESOME at thanking mom and dad for everything all the time. (true) That's better than other powers because that makes us feel so happy!"

She ate it up. And happily, it's actually stuck and has helped to reinforce her gratitude. There are times that she threatens to lose her powers if I don't stop being "mean" and give her, her way, but so far just empty threats. Love that girl. And it's got me thinking...

It really is amazing how much power in life we all truly have. We all affect people and the world around us so much more than super-strength would. As a teenager my favorite poem was:

"I am only one, but I am one.
I cannot do everything, but I can do something;
and what I should do and can do, by the grace of God, I will do."
Edward Everett Hale

I still love that so much. We are all super-heroes in our own right. Let's use our powers for good always.

Happenin's

We have been busy lately but with lots of fun stuff.
I got to go to the First Grades' "Muffins with Mom" yesterday and spend some time with my favorite little guy. Eli was Soooooooo excited about it and loved showing me where to sit and pulling my chair out for me, etc. They made us moms lots of little gifts and put on a really cute show with lots of mommy songs. Eli and some classmates/friends singing in front of the class. He had the sweetest smile the whole time he was up there. Especially whenever I looked at him :)

Holly had her dance recital. She had 2 different costumes and 2 different dances. All the dances were so adorable. Holly LOVED it.

She was entralled watching her big cousins doing their dances.

3 sweet girls!

Holly and one of her best friends Brynn.

In action.

Grand finale with tons of girly cuteness everywhere.

Just loved this one. Sadie loves to hold one finger when we reach to hold hands with her.

Got a visit from my friend along with 2 of my kids best friends. It was an awesome time- especially for these kids that got to have a water party for a couple hours.

A trip with some friends to the San Tan mall play area and splash pad. Water in the eye!...

Still happy :)

Do we live in kid-ville or what!

Facebook

Is anyone else so irritated at Facebook? The main wall page is just completely filled with quizzes and war stuff and tons of things people are sending to other people. What the hay? It used to be fun and now it just bugs. Just wanted to see if anyone else was noticing the same thing.

Momma Bootie (a tale of too many Mini-Eggs)

That's what I got. I've known it for awhile but try to ignore it and keep it hidden under my clothes.
Well there's nothing like absolutely NEEDING a new swimsuit to bring the white, startling, cellulite ridden, florescent lit truth to the forefront of your mind.

You may be familiar with "Lands End" who put out a very large number of swimsuits every summer. They market to everybodys body type. Which really means 'What area do you get fat when you gain weight? We will try to rebalance you so you don't look like you've gained weight.'

I had my eye on a couple in the triangle section when I got the catalogue a while back. I even circled them (something I love to do in catalogues- along with putting things in my cart online- kind of pretending I will be buying them) and laid it out on the counter to consider. But then, eventually, my sweet husband who loves to clean up the counters (a huge weakness of mine) threw it in the magazine bin and life moved forward. I was okay with not thinking about being a triangle or how those swimsuits might look a little different on me rather than the models.

Then, the other day, I happened to be returning something at the Superstition Mall and walked through Sears. I remembered that they carry Lands End stuff. With Sadie in the stroller and no other kids, I realized this could be my chance to get my dream swimsuit that could make my body look better than reality.

As I manuvered around plenty of snowbirds and thinking how Sears seems to be more vacant each time I pass through- and how them having Lands End is probably the only reason they aren't completely tanked- and also how Lands End probably can't wait for their contract to run out so they can move to a more awesome store...I came upon one of the swimsuits I circled. Score! They have my size! I'll just grab one size up as well- just in case.

As I walked in the dressing room (no workers around only 1 snowbird) the room beeped loudly.
I started thinking about how they must have put an alarm on the door to tell far away workers someone entered the dressing room and that way they don't actually have to pay a worker to give people numbers and all that. My suspisions about their store barely staying afloat were validated. I started changing and keeping it casual- talking to Sadie (avoiding the mirror until necessary) when...
"Beep!"
What? Are you kidding me?! This thing is going to keep beeping? As if trying this on isn't bad enough? Am I to be made to not only de-robe under florescent lights but also feel like a criminal? Just ignore...
"Beep!"
I looked through the crack half nudey to see if any workers were headed in. I saw the snowbird looking slightly distressed. I tried it on double time and took in all the reality and truth that came with it. Are these bottoms too small?
"Beep!"
affirming my question. So, "just in case" happened and I tried on the bigger size. The top was cute at least. And of course no need to size up there! Not one to linger upon depressing reality, I tried to fast forward to the part where I was fully clothed, exiting, with the beeping discontinued. As I stepped out of the dressing room, the snowbird, now watching me out of her peripheral, moved out of the way. Ha! Still no workers in sight. SOOOO happy to be walking quickly away.
I bought the top, the traded up bottoms, and a swimskirt with an attached panty (all on sale-yea:). I'm going to return the bottoms since I realized they looked just as bad at home. Which brings me to the point of the post...

I have my first mom swimsuit. The swimskirt says on it "Level 1, for maximum coverage" It's like clothes- clothes that can get wet. It covers up the undesirable. It's kinda scary but I'm good with it. Then hopefully when I start actually getting off said momma bootie (and possibly getting a spray tan), I'll be back in some regular bottoms again. Add it to the "somedays" (sooner than later) list.

Sadie's Sweet Success

Say that 3 times fast!
Tarryn is an awesome teacher.
The top row is the first day. It was kinda hard for me. I thought she may not be ready but we hung in there.
The second row is today, the last day. After the first couple times she started to like it more and more. Then for the last little while I've had to pull her out of the water when it was time to leave because she loves it so much.
She gives them a lollipop on the last day. Hooray for Sadie!