Chorister Lady

I haven't blogged about my calling since pretty much after I got it in Dec. 2011. At first I just plain didn't want to whine about how I wasn't getting used to it. I wasn't starting to feel comfortable singing in the front of the room, putting on a show every week like I hoped I would. I tried my best to suck it up and press on. I had weeks I felt successful, and weeks I felt like I kinda bombed. And I let it affect me and my day too much (elation vs. frustration respectively). Thank goodness for creative people, and especially the ones who take the time to blog about their creative ideas! There are lots of chorister blogs and wow, they made (and make) my job easier. Finally, 2013 started off with me thinking "Okay, maybe I can do this", and it's really just gotten better throughout the year.

Well today, duh-duh-duh!!! (that's a happy duh-duh-duh), was the Primary Program! I was nervous. Last year the Jr. Primary chorister did it but she has since moved. I thought the practice on Friday would alleviate my nerves a little, but that night I had crazy anxiety dreams about the program half the night. First, I arrived late. The kids were singing a song we hadn't practiced and were doing a poor job at that. Second, I realized I forgot my signs and the song order. So after each song I had to try and remember which song was next. Of course I couldn't do this in my dream because my brain did not want to let me off the hook and continued on with the nightmare. A lady approached me during the program and said we needed to make changes to the way we were doing things. And last, which finally woke me up (my subconscious realized it was being a little ridiculous), a HUGE fan of hairsprayed cha-cha bangs were blocking my view to the pianist and I actually had to walk up 2 pews to see her. I had to laugh at that once I was awake, but then I layed there for about an hour going over everything in my head.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, it went great:) The 2 hiccups were not in my control so I didn't worry about them. The kids sang out. They knew the words, they smiled, they remembered their parts. People were touched and it was satisfying to see the culmination of my (and the Jr. chorister's) efforts this year.

I think it's really interesting the way life goes. For awhile I wished I would've been one of those people that say no to callings they don't want or feel uncomfortable with. I didn't like it and I didn't want to do it. But because I did it anyway, I've grown. I 'm just about to start subbing 2-3 times per week and now I feel much more comfortable just jumping right into a classroom. I could even teach them some songs if I want! Anyway, I'm not saying this to pat myself on the back. Just to say that when we refuse a challenge, we are only hurting ourselves. You may feel like you need to take the easy way out. I've had lots of people say they could never do my calling (I've probably said that in the past). "I have anxiety." or "I don't have the right personality for that". Those things might actually be true but that doesn't mean you can't overcome your fears and do it anyway. I think especially today, we underestimate the strength we have inside ourselves. (And also the influence we have over our own lives not to mention everyone around us, and situations we're in. But that's kind of a whole new topic.:)

Glinda from "Oz the Great and Powerful" said it best: "You are capable of more than you know."