My Days of Being Mama

Last night was one of those nights. Sadie's got some bug or something. She kept coming to my room and I woke up time and time again and did my best to comfort her and register the things she was saying to me as I fought my way to consciousness. She was finally back to bed with "the bowl" atop her stuffed friends and I went trudged back to my bed. Then awhile later, Dana and I heard a LOUD bang! bang! sound. Both of us jumped up and frantically started checking the kids and at the same time wondering if someone was trying to invade our home. Anyway, in the end, the kids were fine and it ended up being something on the shower wall unsuctioning and falling to the tub. So there was not much sleep to be had last night.

Lately I keep reading friends' statuses on Facebook or on Instagram reporting having a horrible night's sleep with all their little ones and babies sick and/or up a lot. I feel for them. Those days were hard and I haven't forgotten about them. And I'm not one to complain about a good night's sleep (is anyone?), but it has been a reminder that my kids are getting older and I'm far away from the baby stage of life. Most nights I sleep from 6-7 hrs and I could sleep longer if I was more disciplined and got myself to bed earlier. We have the random child come say they had a bad dream, but we no longer have the toddlers slip into our bed unnoticed only to be discovered at 6 am when you realize you are unable to turn over in the foot of space you have between them and your husband. Do I miss those days? NOOO. Well, not sleep deprivation, but I do miss the little people that cause it.

(Me and Holly April 2006)

In about 3 weeks my baby will turn SIX. I can't believe it. I am the type of mother that really tried to enjoy the baby years. I was fully aware that I loved babies. I can't remember ever not being completely smitten by babies. And when those babies are your babies...well there's really nothing that can quite compare. Emma was a fussy newborn that didn't sleep well but I have a distinct memory of petting her sweet soft skin and hair once as I watched her sleep, even though I knew it might wake her (which terrified me), just because I knew someday I wouldn't be able to. I nodded eagerly anytime a "seasoned" mother would give me advice to "enjoy this time, it goes by fast." Now I'm experiencing the truth behind those words.

Lately when I see Sadie playing alone before PM K and "talking" some animals or dolls (or anything sometimes:), I watch and enjoy and try not to think about how she's the last one to do that. Emma will soon be 13 and we will officially be in teenager-land. She is a super good girl and I'm ever so grateful for who she is and that she hasn't gone crazy on me, but I can practically see those emotions and hormones coursing around her body turning her into a young women. She was the first person to ever call me "Mama" and it's forever written across my heart as the best title I could ever hope to own.

However, if I did have the choice to have more babies (which I don't), I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. There are a lot of reasons for that, but basically my season for babies is over and it's time to accept it and go forward. Right now I'm actually in the stage of life I used to dream of: Family bike rides, no diapers, no Cheerios spilling across the floor at church, and of course the aforementioned sleep :). Also, having a built-in babysitter is the BEST EVER. And I really, really want to take a trip in an RV and drive across the country. This is much more doable now without a baby. SO even though I miss those little chubby cheeks so much it can bring tears to my eyes, I love this stage too.

I will continue to hold them as much as they'll let me, talk about important things with them at night when they're going to bed, read books to them, and try to be more patient and loving.
Because I know- in a few more years when the teenagers aren't even around and the house starts to get quieter, I'll be handing out the advice to the young mamas. Try and enjoy it, it goes by so fast.